Nov
7
2013

Top Five Things That Will Ruin A Swingers Vacation

Top Five Things That Will Ruin A Swingers Vacation

SWINGERS HAVE SOME SPECIFIC EXPECTATIONS WHEN THEY GO ON VACATION. CERTAIN THINGS HAVE TO BE IN PLACE TO MAKES SURE THOSE EXPECTATIONS ARE MET.

Family vacation, romantic honeymoon, a Vegas weekend with the friends, all have some similarities but not quite the same as the type of vacation swingers look for.  I promise you, swingers are not spending four hundred dollars per night at Hedo because they have the most amazing dirty bananas. They are not spending six hundred dollars a night at Desire so they can enjoy lovely cabanas. Every traveller has specific things that they look for when on vacation and if those things do not happen, the holiday experience is not quite the same. Here are the top five things that may ruin swinger vacations.

 

1. Mother Nature! (The dreaded Period)

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Females go through excessive preparation to make sure their cycle does not fall on their vacation dates. Let’s not fool our selves here; when swingers go on vacation, they are going with the expectation of fucking. Whether it is just with your partner or with other people, fucking is right at the top of your priority list. Even though some people may be O.K with it, for most people, red means stop and so if it is that time of the month for the lady, you have just been tossed into the torcher chamber of having to watch everybody else participate in sexy, raunchy activities, get all hot and bothered and cannot do anything about it.  So now you know why some couples won’t even schedule a vacation close to the wives cycle, or some take other measures to make sure it does not fall on their vacation dates.

 

 

 

2. Wrong Crowd:  “Who Invited Grandpa?”

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If this were just about me, this would probably be number one on the list. We can pretend to be nice but what we are really being by doing that is being a hypocrite. If you show up at a swinger vacation resort and you are in your, twenties, thirties, forties, take pride in the way you carry yourself and when you get their, everybody is sixty five and older, overweight and vulgar, it is going to be a long miserable week. You probably won’t even have sex with each other, as all you do is spend your days and nights watching “Boner-Killer” activities by the pool and being completely disgusted. So when you do get to your room with your partner, all you do is lay there and talk about how disgusting some of the shit you saw was. It is really hard to try having sex with those images in your head.  Here is my advice to you, know who you are going on vacation with. When planning your swinger’s vacation, it is really important to plan it with a group that you know has a reputation of drawing a crowd that fits your style and demographics.

 

3. A Dead Hotel: “Where is everybody?”

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Almost as bad as the wrong crowd, is “NO CROWD.”  If you are the type that likes peace and quiet, well this may not apply to you.  This makes the list because most of the swingers I know are looking for a real party and it is hard to have a party when no one else is there.  When you take that one or two weeks out of the year to getaway for an adult’s only party vacation, you look forward to meeting some sexy people and having some fun. Please make sure you check out the events happening around your travel dates to make sure whatever resort or event you choose, is going actually have people. If you paid attention to number two on this list, you also want to make sure it is the right people.

 

 

4.  Communication Breakdown, Get your shit together!

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I am not going to become a Relationship Coach on you right now. Don’t worry. I am just going to simply tell you, “get your shit together at home before you take it to a resort where other people are looking to have fun.” If there are insecurities in your relationship, a swinger’s vacation is not the place to fix it. Do not use alcohol as an excuse to do something that you and your partner did not communicate about before the trip. What is even more important is learning to effectively deal with conflict. Sometimes even though you communicate, something may show up. Learn to deal with it in such away that it does not ruin your vacation and ruin your neighbors sleep every night.

 

 

5. Creepy Single Guys

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Oh lord!! I know I just sent some peoples heart rate skyrocketing through the roof when I talk about creepy single guys. Some of you may have had an encounter or two where you had to punch one in the face. Not all single males are bad. Most of the single males I have met at lifestyle events are very respectful and they understand that they have to behave in a certain manner if they want to continue attending these events. I also think that one or two single males at any lifestyle event are good, for some couples, that is what they are into. However, every now and again you run into that one asshole that is rude and very touchy feely. Before he eventually gets kicked off the resort, cruise of whatever event he is at, he manages to piss off half of the couples at the event. It is even worse if it is at a resort where singles are predominant. Some couples find this really annoying so that is why some will not even consider going to resort that allow singles. Even though I think that is excessive, as the incidence are very few and far between, it just goes to show the effect an annoying single dude can have on swinger vacations. That is why resorts, clubs and lifestyle events in general only allow a select few, or no single men at all.

 

From my years of experience hosting and promoting lifestyle events, these are the things I have seen show up the most when it comes to putting a damper on the vacation experience of swingers. There are definitely a few more unique situations and we would love to here about them. You can leave a comment here to share your thoughts.

 

 

 

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